The End of the Line

I was talking to this girl the other day, she was a PCV here in Rwanda for her two years and is now staying a bit longer. She wasn't excited about being in Africa and Peace Corps when she first arrived straight out of college. I guess I always thought that when you're doing something for the first time in a new place you'd be ecstatic about it.

So I asked why she stayed (Probably a sign of my awkward-African-adjusted-social manners...). The whole time she only complained about being here, being a PCV (it has been a while since then!), her students (she's a grade school teacher) and annoying things she puts up with.

All I could think of was what Grandma would say:

If you don't absolutely love it, then why do it?!

I guess I know this and have always tried to live by it, but it’s much more real when I'm at a crossroads--like now-- and have to make the big decisions that will affect my life.

I finished Peace Corps service on January 4, 2012, a full 42 months of volunteering in Africa! (Some say I'm dedicated, others, I'm crazy!)

I'm looking for a job in Kigali. Being in Rwanda already is a huge choice. If I don't 100% love it and see it as worthy, then I would need to get out ASAP! I've looked and interviewed with international, multi-million dollar NGOs (non-government organizations); smaller NGOs, international schools, and local schools.

It's a matter of looking at the daily tasks: can I do these with joy and feel accomplished at the end of the day? Can I do these and feel fulfilled with my life?

Being in Africa really highlights to me that I'm here --in Africa, on Earth, living-- to work, to DO good things. I give up my family and culture to love these people and invest in their lives.

If I were in the states it'd be much easier, almost inevitable, to fall into a state of complacency, contentedly staying in the pattern of life that for so many keeps them focused on the small things, and for me would breed mediocrity. Being here constantly reminds me that I don't belong here (Rwanda, Africa, Earth). But I am here. I am here to do good things, to work, to love on people! I am forced to repeatedly assess all that I am doing, its efficacy, necessity, sustainability, motivation, and product. If I were home I'd likely fall into the ease of daily routine, rarely question what I do, why I do it, or the purpose of all things together. Africa forces me to focus: on friends, relationships, food, work, time, learning.

And intentionally choosing how I invest myself in life.