Lessons from Home

Home has been wonderful! I came with 3 objectives:
1)Helping my friend and making a plan (The hardest things in life are the most worthy)
2)Family and friends (Family is just about everything to me. I miss you all!)
3)Re-focusing: heart, mind, and soul. (being away from everything you know makes you change and grow, I want to be sure who I am now still holds to my core ideals and morals)

As I set out to achieve these goals in my grand total of 10 DAYS in California, this is what I did--and learned as I went along:

Stream swimming: Mom, Kelsey, the dog, and I went for a quick dip after hiking in the hills near our home.

"The worst thing is to do a job you don't love. The most important thing in life is to love what you do. If you don't love it, don't do it." --Grandma (Margarita)

Carousel: Kelsey and I went to this carousel and had a great time!

Like Grandma says, "Never ask yourself 'WHY did I do this?!' or 'Why DIDN'T I do this?!' Live your life with no regrets."


After riding a zebra, an ostrich, a pig, and a deer, Kelsey and I were supposed to take the hot air balloon for a ride. Silly winds were too strong and we can come back another date.

"It is our choices that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities" -Dumbledore

Brother and sister. Who IS the oldest?
"Life is easy to chronicle, but bewildering to practice, and we welcome 'nerves' or any other shibboleth that will cloak our personal desire." -A Room with a View by E.M. Forster


My cousin's 3 month old baby is cute enough to make anyone want to have their own! Don't worry, this isn't a subtle hint that I'm next--I'm still light years behind.
"Who you are is God's gift to you; who you become is your gift to God"

Our family has about 6 August birthdays, I think they secretly planned this to cut down on party costs ;)
"The greatest discovery of my generation is that a human being can alter his life by altering his attitude" -William James


Pupusas are the BEST food in the world! Grandma's pupusas are the best, of course, and they're getting international acclaim.
"Never be ashamed. Accept what life offers you and try to drink from every cup. All wines should be tasted; some should only be sipped, but with others, drink the whole bottle... you only know a good wine if you have first tasted a bad one." -Brida by Paulo Coelho.


Packing has become an art: this is my 3rd time going from California to Africa; the first time I took 30lbs. The second may have been just a carry. This time I've weighed almost EXACTLY 50lbs for my check-in, and my carry-ons are full enough to clothe me and my friends for a few weeks.

"Don't say you don't have enough time. You have exactly the same number of hours per day that were given to Helen Keller, Pasteur, Michelangelo, Mother Theresa, Leonardo da Vinci, Thomas Jefferson, and Albert Einstein." -H. Jackson Brown, Jr.

Back in the Homeland

Everyone keeps asking what I plan on doing now that I'm back in the US.

First, I'm only here for 2 weeks: a quick vacation to use a plane ticket credit before it expired.

Second, (you may or may not know that I enjoy praying and practicing my faith, as such) I want to use ALL of my gifts and abilities to help people.

Third, I plan on eating Pizookie with my friends, and hanging out with my family.

Lastly, after focusing on learning and integrating into a foreign culture for the last 3 years, I want to re-focus myself and remember my own.

After this 2 week break in the states, I'll continue being a Peace Corps Volunteer until December of this year, then see where things take me. Maybe stay in Africa for a while? Not more than a few years. Maybe come home? Maybe come to the US in a different state? Who knows!

Rwandan Fashion

A very respectable couple posing for the camera. This is a very common pose in Africa (in my experience)




All kinds of foreign clothes end up in the local markets. This kid was just super cute.
(This is for you, Twin!!)

All about the hair. Love it.








The best in mother's fashion: flat-ironed hair, locally dyed fabrics (though not Kigali-local), golden jewelery, and a baby on the back.




Awesome old ladies at a party. what does YOUR grandma wear?





The beautiful bride at the civil ceremony.





Groomsmen and bridesmaid. So much fun!





These two are my favorite: not only cute as cake, but excellent at baking cake, too!






Peace Corps Volunteers, obviously super hot in the latest party fashion.

It can be difficult but...

When you look for the joy in life, you'll find that it's surrounding you on all sides.

1.Saying hello isn't just a quick wave of the hand as you rush by on the sidewalk. Here every friend you see on the street gets a hand shake--if not a hug-- inquiries about the family, health, work, etc.

2. It's totally cool to just randomly walk up to your friend's house and go to visit him/her. No call beforehand or any warning: there's always someone home and everyone will be happy to have you over. If your friend is there, they'll be stoked to have this surprise visit and you'll eat together--or at least get a Fanta. If your friend isn't there you can peace out or sit and chat with whoever IS there, and you'll probably eat--or at least get that Fanta!

3. A small girl saw me walking down the street and immediately hid in fear behind her mother's skirts. OK, not new for me. The mom was like, "No, go great that auntie!" So this little girl comes running up to me with open arms, greets me, and even kisses my cheek when I pick her up.

4. Interpersonal skills are so developed here: people will be chatting away on the bus then leave and exchange numbers... cause they just met! A few times I've been walking with a friend down the street, and s/he'll start talking or joking with someone on the street; I ask if they're friends, and s/he'll say, "No, we're just being friendly."

5. I've had more conversations than I can count on the downside of phones: you call a person and listen to his/her voice instead of going there and seeing your friend. Texting is even worse! Rwandans prefer to take the time and enjoy your friend's company over a mere telephone call. But they also understand that distance can be a problem: 1 minute phone calls are a common occurrence, literally just to say hello to someone. Or getting a phone call out of the blue, from a friend you haven't seen in a long time is not a problem, its totally welcome.

6. Everyone loves and knows the same music. A fellow PCV was on the bus and started to sing along with one of the Rwandan pop songs that came on the radio and before he knew it, the ENTIRE BUS was singing along with him at the top of their lungs.

7. Sonia* is 5 years old and we’re hanging out at Alphonsine’s*, she’s helping me cook and I’m keeping her warm in her meager skirt and holey shirt. We’re chatting about 5 year old things (strings, shoes, potatoes, friends etc) and she’s looking at my arm, sort of petting my arm hair, and goes “Your skin changed and you became a muzungu(white person).” I explain that I bathed and scrubbed REALLY hard, so my skin changed. "Oh, ok."
*names have been changed.

8. Family is number one on this continent. People are so dedicated to family: your salary is not yours, it is your brother's, your sister's, your nieces', nephews', mom's, dad's.... people give so freely, openly, and wholeheartedly to one's family.

9. Food is very important, especially at official functions: there is ALWAYS breakfast, a 10am tea break, lunch, a 4pm tea break, and dinner.

10. There is SUCH a healthy view of weight. Because of the popular belief that "bigger is better" especially with women, all shapes and sizes are accepted, talked about, commented on, and almost NEVER lamented. After a week of "official function" eating 5 times a day, I gained some weight (I don't have a scale, but I feel my clothes fitting tighter). Today at work there were at least 10 people that commented on my "getting fatter," complimenting my weight gain. At one time there was even a group of 5 women grabbing, holding, and lovingly squeezing my arms, stomach, love handles, and butt while proclaiming how fat I've become. AND I'M NOT OFFENDED.

11. Little drops of sunshine! It's totally sunny, like I could get a sunburn.... but its raining on me, too. I love it! I really just stood out in the little drops of sunshine for like 10 minutes, enjoying the spectacle.


12. Students' motivation and desire to improve, learn, and grow is phenomenal. As an coach, educator, and even as a student in the States, I've NEVER seen such dedication as I have here. Students know that education is their key to success, so if they are in school, they make it their full time job to study, beginning sometimes at 5 am, and usually ending at 8pm.

13. Boni and Nicole are two amazing women I work with: they give me hope for this country and these people. Both are educated, motivated, powerful individuals, working tirelessly for the good of the Rwandan people. They develop materials to educate the people, organize their peers to create social change, all while nursing babies under the age of 1. And Nicole is studying for her Master's in Public Health. Very impressive women.
I should mention there are 60 fantastic individuals in our office (majority Rwandans and/or Africans), focusing all of their efforts on developing the region.


14.The youth of this nation really, truly give me hope for the country and continent. They know the ethnic differences that separate them, but don't believe that it is worth it to recognize those differences. They've seen the hate that tore this country apart, and choose not to repeat the mistakes of their forefathers.

It's not all sweet bananas and pleasant breezes

I love Rwanda. Let me just say that. Africa is a wonderful place with lots to offer and wonderful people. But there are also things that get under my (already Africa-thickened) skin:

1. One cannot give compliments. It's very, VERY rare. They'd rather insult you as a joke and call it a good day. "Michele, why do you look like you just got out of bed? You look awful." "Go back to America, we don't want you here." Yes. Very Funny. Ha.

2. High power distance. People simply accept and unquestioningly yield to social status. The poor see themselves as less powerful, worthy, or influential. Not just accepting the rich as rich or the powerful as powerful. But also accepting yourself as powerless. Helpless. And insignificant. Unquestioningly. Just accepted.

3. A large measure of ignorance and a love of generalizations. "All white people have money, you can give me some, too." "You're intelligent because white people are rich and have no problems."

4. Girls, women, all females CANNOT whistle. Sometimes I do it any way, because its such a part of my family life (thanks, Dad) and I elicit looks and comments of horror and scandal!

5.The first thing asked of you is if you're married. Then, old men proceed to tell you if they weren't already married, they'd take you up! Young men say they're going to marry you. Its weird the first time. Funny the second. But just annoying thereafter.

6. Men and women can't be just friends. When ALL people adhere to this standard, keep this expectation, and act on it, there just aren't any men/women friendships. EVERY man and women only enter into a cross-gender relationship TO have sex. (Ok, not 100%, but the vast majority)

7. In everyone's claim to be super religious, pre-marital sex is harshly criticized. Young women that get pregnant without a husband are socially ostracized, gossiped about and can't really fit in to society as well as others.

8. Despite the above, an estimated 99% of teens and adults--married or not-- have sexual relations on a regular basis. They even tease, mock, and pressure those who don't. Young men will leave their girlfriends if they don't sleep with them. Girls are pressured by society, family, and friends to have a boyfriend and marry, so they feel trapped to sleep with a boyfriend or be left and consequently publicly disgraced.

9. Pretty much all married men also have a lover. Or 2. Or 3. on the side. Sometimes the wife knows who, sometimes not. But she pretty much takes it for granted that he's got someone else.

10.Rwandans--in general-- are very racist. The first thing they see is skin. Apparently, according to local belief, ALL people fit into two categories: Tutsi and Hutu (yes, 2 of the 3 ethnic groups terrorized by Genocide in 1994: Hutu majority slaughtered the Tutsi minority and any Hutu sympathizers). So, your average Rwandan will see a white person and categorize him as either a "White Tutsi" or a "White Hutu". Or about each other, "All Hutus lie!" or "All Tutsi are racist!" (I've heard BOTH in conversation)

11. Its normal, acceptable behavior to harass foreigners in the street. Not just begging, but mocking accents, pointing, staring, laughing at, and general rude (to a Western standard) behavior.

12. Rwandans don't like or trust foreigners. At first I wasn't sure. But I was told by 2 independent sources who are very trusted in my life, respected in the community, and honest people. Common Rwandans blame all white people for the Genocide. Other Africans are seen as leeches that have come to take from Rwanda.

13.When an outsider becomes very integrated into Rwandan culture and Rwandans recognize this, the FIRST quality is always the ability to lie. "Oh! That muzungu (white person) is soooo Rwandan: she knows how to lie!"

14. People do not help you out. Like if you're in trouble in the street, people would rather watch you get beaten, harassed, or abused than do anything about it.

15. People only seem to want you around as long as there is the hope of getting something from you: money. Marriage. Visa. Materials. Anything. Once they realize that you won't give, they're pretty much done with you. There are (thank God) some who are just nice people who are interested in your mind, heart, and thoughts, regardless of your giving or not giving.

16.People like to talk. They'll make a point. Then illustrate it. Then give an example. Then say it again in different words. Then give another example. Then explain what they mean. Then reiterate their point. And OMG its beating the danged dead horse over and over and over again. Meanwhile I can zone out and think about what I want to make for dinner and what I need to buy beforehand, contemplate my next steps in life, and remember pleasant family vacations from my youth. When I come to again, HE'S STILL MAKING HIS POINT.

Ok, my ranting is over. I promise to share all the things I love about this place, too. EVERY culture and country have good things and challenging things, and its beneficial to recognize both.